When Hello means Goodbye.

10weeks gestation. This is how big my baby was when I miscarried.

       

I honestly can't believe that it's been over 7 years since I lost my little one. It was August 13, 2004. I didn't forget about it but I didn't have time to write about it like I wanted too on that day. It is a day that I remember every detail about. I remember finding out I was pregnant on my birthday. I was so ecstatic! I also remember waking up to some bleeding on August 12th. I was terrified. I've told the story before. It took me all day to get ahold of the doctor due to a new staff member putting my message in the wrong call back pile. Finally, while dh was coming home from work I called him in tears and he called and said he needed to talk to the doctor. They put her on. She called me a apologized but now I had to wait until the next morning.

It was a very long night. I remember laying in bed that night knowing that my baby had died. Still I prayed. I prayed to God to breathe life back into my baby because I knew He could do it. I prayed the same thing for hours. Please God, bring my baby back to life. I love him or her already! Please don't let this be! I fell asleep with tears on my face.

The next morning as I woke I said a silent prayer that there wouldn't be any more bleeding but their was. And I was now starting to cramp. I went to the doctor's office alone as the Rev stayed with the boys. The ultrasound tech started the ultrasound and I knew immediately there was no heartbeat and the baby was gone. I held myself together for as long as I could and finally I started crying. She told me that maybe I had my dates wrong. I knew I didn't because it was my birthday that I found out!

I went into a room by myself and the doctor came in and she didn't even have to speak. I burst into tears. Even now I can't hold them back for my baby lost. I don't think I'll ever know this side of heaven why God chose to take our child straight home to Him but I do know that I am thankful my baby never had to experience sorrow, shame, sickness, heartache, war, disease and so many things that are wrong today. She went straight to a perfect place into the arms of her maker and I am so greatful that someday I will see her again.